Alien on a Rampage Read online

  Tate grunted out what might’ve been considered a laugh under better circumstances. “I don’t think so.” He looked at me. “Hand over the contraption, son.”

  I shook my head. I tried to keep my body and face calm despite the fact that the adrenaline running through my body was making me all jittery. “Never.”

  “Boy, this is serious business,” Tate said. He started to push himself out of his chair. “We need to move quickly if we want to—”

  “Please remain seated, Mr. Tate.” Scratchull motioned for the big man to get back into his recliner. “Let me say a few things first.” Tate slowly settled back into his chair while keeping his eyes fixed on me.

  Scratchull paced back and forth. “I realize that adolescents can sometimes make poor decisions. The same is true for societies on many, many planets—I suppose it’s the nature of the beast, as they say. So I always strive to be as patient and understanding as possible with those of the younger generation.” He rested his chin in one chalky-white hand as he paced.

  “However, the events of the day have gone far beyond mere juvenile misbehavior. Now, I probably would have been able to overlook the fact that David broke into my room, where I keep that powerful device safely hidden. And I might have even been able to forgive him despite the fact that he then stole this mechanism from me and slandered me outrageously.”

  Scratchull paused and inclined his head toward Grandma. “I know you feel a great deal of affection for the boy. And, as I say, I might have been able to forgive a few of these youthful transgressions.” He shook his skull head slowly, as if the words he was saying brought him great pain. I couldn’t help but wonder whether they gave out Academy Awards on his home planet.

  “But the fact that he used these stolen goods in such a reckless manner makes this far, far more serious. Not only has he put your business in danger, but if the device had been on a higher setting…” Scratchull trailed off, wiping a hand across his brow as if the mere thought of such a thing was giving him terror sweats. “If it had been on a higher setting…and the freezing effect had worked its way through the bay and out into the oceans of Earth…” Scratchull stopped pacing and turned to face us. “Well, David’s tall tale about ‘destroying the planet’ may have had the potential to actually become fact. At the risk of being melodramatic, I fear that David came very close to truly endangering all life on Earth.”

  No one would look at me. The room was terribly silent for several moments. But what could I say? It was the one time Scratchull was actually telling the truth.

  “Here is what I think should happen. For the good of everyone concerned.” Scratchull took a deep breath. “First, David should hand over the device immediately. I will take it and find a secluded spot on the river. It should only take a moment to set right what he has put so terribly out of joint.”

  He inclined his smooth white head toward Grandma. “Next, and I know this will cause you a measure of some distress, but I feel strongly that David should be sent home.”

  Grandma let out a little gasp. “Oh, do you really think that’s necessary?”

  “I do. Not only does he need to understand the severity of his actions, but I fear the rest of his summer would be most uncomfortable if he stayed. You humans employed here are keeping the planet’s most important secret. The group dynamic would be seriously compromised now that he has lost your trust.”

  “You got that right,” Tate said.

  Grandma rubbed at her temples. She looked almost as miserable as I felt. “Oh, Scratchull, are you sure? He did such a fantastic job for me last summer. And he’s such a wonderful young man. I’m not sure what has gotten into him.”

  Maybe the worst part of everything was that she couldn’t bring herself to look at me when she said any of that.

  “I do not doubt for a moment that what you say is true,” Scratchull said. “And perhaps he could come back next summer. Get a fresh start, as it were.”

  I couldn’t imagine leaving. I had to try one more time. “Look, I know I messed up, but why will no one believe me?” I said. “Grandma, does all of this sound like something that I would just make up? Do you think I would hurt you on purpose?”

  “Of course not.” Grandma wiped at her eyes.

  She opened her mouth to say more, but Scratchull stepped in.

  “Very well,” he said, looking at me. “The floor is all yours. Regale us with the tale of how you came by this special knowledge of yours.”

  “I’d be quite interested to hear this,” Grandma said.

  The humans leaned forward in their chairs, but only Grandma looked like she still had some hope in her eyes. I should’ve told Amy the whole story when I had the chance, done whatever it took to convince her by the dam—I might at least have one ally—but that frozen river spooked me so bad, all I could think about was getting back here. Too late now.

  This felt like my last chance to convince everyone. I had to phrase it carefully so Scratchull couldn’t turn my own words against me again.

  “Okay.” I wiped my palms against my shorts. “Okay. I suspected that something was wrong with him. So, yes, I did sneak—”

  “Why’d you think something was wrong with Scratchull, anyway?” Tate said.

  “He’s way different when he’s not around you guys. I guess you’ll just have to trust me on that one.”

  Tate grunted again. “Just how are we supposed to trust—”

  “Dad, he saved my life,” Amy said. “Whether or not you believe anything else he says, that is true. Please let him finish.”

  I was grateful for that much help, at least. “So, yeah, I did sneak into his room. I wanted to see if he was hiding anything in there. I felt like I needed to find something incriminating, or whatever, for you guys to believe me about him. Anyway, I had just gone in there when somebody came by transporter, a green alien I’d never seen before. I hid in the closet. Then Scratchull came in and the two of them started talking about—”

  “Breaking into a private room? Skulking around? Eavesdropping?” Tate shook his head. “No wonder Scratchull’s upset that—”

  Grandma swatted at Tate’s shoulder, and the big man fell silent.

  “Anyway, the green alien brought him this.” I held up the little black machine. “And they started talking about what it could do. And Scratchull said he was going to use it to destroy the planet. Or threaten to destroy it, at least at first. He said he wanted to get off the planet because the transporters wouldn’t—”

  “If I may interject here, for just one moment.” Scratchull held up a long white finger. “An associate of mine did visit and bring me this device, as I have already informed you. But something puzzles me.” Scratchull tapped his cheek with one finger, making a show of mulling something over. “When I speak to off-world friends, I always use their native language. Or mine, of course. No offense intended, but earthling English is not exactly the lingua franca of the universe.”

  I did not like where he was going with this. Not at all.

  “So I’m wondering how, exactly, were you able to understand our conversation?” I just stared at him. “Perhaps, instead of Spanish or French, your school back home offers beginner courses in dialects from the Grunterian galaxy?” A smile played at the corner of his dark lips, and this time it looked very genuine.

  I swallowed drily, the heat of everyone’s stares turning my cheeks red. What could I say? It’s not like I could admit to using the baby monitor. No way. The technology in there was banned, too, and Grandma knew that I knew it. I would just look worse than I already did. And I hadn’t even told Amy that I’d “borrowed” it from her underwear drawer. Or panties drawer. Whatever.

  “Well, David?” Grandma said. The look on her face killed me. She was clearly anxious for something to come out of my mouth that would make me look better, get me out of this mess. “Were you able to understand what they were saying?”

  Maybe that was it. Tell them I didn’t understand every word, but I picked up the gist. T
one of voice, body movements, that sort of thing. Like charades. And the demonstration with the bed puddle! That’s it. I’d tell them I saw that and figured out how—

  “Perhaps this aided your comprehension?” Scratchull said. He reached into a pocket of his coveralls and pulled out the baby monitor.

  No. No, no, no. I glanced at Amy. Her expression was wide-eyed and panic-stricken. I knew she was afraid of being caught. Then she turned to me and her face distorted, eyes getting narrow and mouth going all scowly. She might as well have had How could you, you big jerk? tattooed across her forehead. Then Grandma and Tate started muttering about what Scratchull was holding, and she went back to looking worried again.

  “As I was saying, I consider myself to be quite forgiving. If this were the first time David had sneaked around behind everyone’s back and used illegal technology, that would be one thing….” Scratchull popped the top off the monitor, reached in, and withdrew the circuit board with the translator chip. “But it appears that he has been making quite a habit of the practice.” He told them about finding the hidden baby monitor and then explained the alien technology.

  “David?” Grandma said it so quietly. The oversized lenses of her glasses made her eyes appear huge, as if they could look right through me. And the worst part of everything was that there was still a little bit of hope in those eyes. “Is this true?”

  What could I do at this point? I just nodded. That little light of hope flickered and went out. It was a clear and final indication that Scratchull had won.

  “Just where did you find something like this?” Tate said.

  I could feel Amy’s stare like a laser-sighted scope from a sniper rifle.

  I sighed. “I got it from an alien teenager, one of the kids in a Tourist family,” I mumbled. “He set it up and showed me how to use it.”

  “Now you’re dragging the guests into all of your sneaking around and illegal activity?” Tate said. “Guests who also happen to be minors? Really?”

  All of the air leaked out of me, along with the fight. I glanced at Amy, who was watching the floor, a guilty expression on her face. But she stayed silent.

  “I daresay this rather clears up all of David’s confusion regarding my plans to destroy the planet,” Scratchull said. “If he was huddling in the closet, furtively eavesdropping with this hastily mashed-together bit of outlawed machinery, it’s no wonder he misheard a few things.”

  I wanted to say that I didn’t “mishear” anything. Wanted to shout it, in fact. But Scratchull had me blocked at every turn.

  “I did speak about altering the landscape of the Earth, of course, but in a good way,” Scratchull said. “I’m sure it was an honest mistake. Well, as honest as David could muster, I suppose.” A short burst of laughter escaped his dark lips. “Perhaps when I said I wanted to feed the planet, David thought he heard defeat the planet, and mistakenly assumed I was trying to take over!” No one laughed at Scratchull’s lame joke, not even Tate. “In any case, I have seen some of the movies earthlings make about alien invaders and such. Pure propaganda, if you ask me. It’s no wonder David has an active fantasy life. It’s just unfortunate it had to have such a negative impact on the real world.”

  I chanced a peek over at Grandma. She was just staring into the middle distance, totally silent. I knew what I had to do. No other choice, really.

  “Fine. I’ll go,” I said. This might sound terrible, but it almost felt like a relief at that point. I’d probably have to spend the rest of the summer at the Happy Camper Sleepaway Adventure in Lakeland, Florida, but at least there nobody would think I was a liar or a cheat or totally insane. Or a combo of all three.

  “But on one condition,” I added.

  “Boy,” Tate said, “you are in no position to—”

  “Scratchull must destroy that device after he fixes the river. In front of all of us. Whether or not I was right about the rest of it, having something like that around here is dangerous. It’s not like this little group can go up against the entire Collective.”

  Grandma still looked in a daze, but she said, “I have to admit, that would make me feel more comfortable.”

  “I humbly acquiesce.” Scratchull smiled innocently. “Do you have any other demands?”

  I just glared at him. It felt like a hollow victory, but if it ended up saving the Earth I guess it was the only one that mattered.

  “Excellent. In that case, I will unfreeze the river and thereby put an end to the current crisis.” Scratchull stuck his hand in my face, palm up, for the device. My whole arm felt numb. It lifted as if being operated by remote control, and I dropped the little black mechanism into his chalky-white palm.

  “Thank you so much, young man. Now, after seeing to the river, I will raze the Garden of Earthly Delights, if that is indeed the will of the group. Regrettable, perhaps, but I understand your objections. When I am finished, there will be no trace of otherworldly influence. Are we agreed?”

  Tate nodded, but he had eyes only for Grandma, who stared sullenly at the ground.

  Scratchull walked toward the door, then stopped and turned to face us. “While I am tending to all of that, someone should purchase David’s return plane ticket.”

  He turned his back again and started to whistle as he left the B&B. He was practically skipping as he went through the door.

  That evening I plodded up the stairs to my room. I felt like leaving the B&B right then, didn’t even care about packing or anything. But when Tate had called my airline, he was told that the first decent flight with available seats didn’t leave for three more days. So I figured I’d be spending a lot of time hiding out in my room until then.

  The first thing I saw when I opened my door was Snarffle. The day had been so long, and so mind-blowingly messed up, that I had forgotten about him. The poor little guy must have been banished to my room after Scratchull told Grandma what a danger his appetite was to her furniture.

  It had certainly been a danger to my room. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who had forgotten him in all the chaos, because it looked like no one had fed him all day.

  He was hunched over in that classic Bad dog! way: head lowered near the floor but eyes raised up at me, tail twirling tentatively at half speed, body shivering slightly all over. He sat in the middle of the empty room.

  And I mean empty. He had eaten the bed, the nightstand, the lamp, and the bookshelves. Along with all of the books.

  I sighed. “Well, at least you didn’t eat my clothes.” They were piled up in the corner. “Thanks, my man. I know you were hungry, and that probably took some restraint.” Then I noticed that he had decided to finish off the suitcase, however.

  Snarffle took a couple of subdued steps in my direction. “It’s okay, boy,” I said. “You don’t have to feel bad. I’ll do enough of that for both us.” His tail-twirling picked up at that and he scurried over to me. I sat on the bare hardwood floor and took him into my lap. He nuzzled into my chest, and I even let him lick my cheeks as much as he wanted. It felt so good to be with someone who wasn’t totally disgusted with me.

  “Don’t worry about the bed. I doubt I’ll be able to sleep, anyway.” But I was wrong about that. Apparently ruining all of the relationships that ever mattered to you in a single day is pretty tiring work. I slumped against the wall and Snarffle curled up on my lap.

  “I’ll get you a snack in a minute. Just let me rest, okay?” Snarffle gave me a few more licks, which I took as an affirmative.

  I tilted my head back. The only reason I could even think about relaxing—the only reason I could even breathe normally—was because I had seen Scratchull smash his little machine into mangled bits. We had all watched that. And then, not trusting him to leave the pieces alone, I hiked back down to the Nooksack and threw them into the river, which was flowing once again. The mechanical fragments had bobbed on the surface for a few moments before they smashed into river boulders and got all churned up in the white water. They were finally scattered and swept downriver
toward the bay. There. Let’s see him try to put all of that back together.

  Maybe I had to leave this place, and maybe nobody really wanted me around here anymore, but I still wanted to be sure he wasn’t going to cause any more trouble after I left.

  I tried to think of other things I could do to mess with him, but exhaustion took over. Snarffle and I slept huddled up on the bare floorboards of my soon-to-be-ex-room.

  The best thing I could say about the next couple of days was that it was easy to avoid having to talk to anyone. The mob of researchers and military personnel never materialized after the river got unfrozen. There’s a chance that they might have been up at the glaciers, studying the source of the river, but they never zeroed in on Forest Grove. And the locals were in full gear-up mode for the Pioneer Day Festival, which would take place the day I left town.

  (And, by the way, I didn’t bother to kid myself. I knew I’d be leaving for good. I mean, how could I possibly come back next summer after it had all ended like this? Even if Scratchull found a way off the planet before then without trashing the place first.)

  Anyway, people were way busier than usual. Tate was consumed with prepping security measures for the big day. He had decided that with all of the excitement generated by the frozen-river incident, no off-world Tourists would be allowed to attend the festival. So he stalked around the house giving gruff instructions about staying inside the B&B and out of sight that day. He also spent a lot of time at the top of his watchtower, scoping out the town and making notes in his journal.

  Grandma completely threw herself into baking for the contest. Scratchull used his homemade gadgets and a pile of old bricks to slap together a couple of long wood-fired ovens in the backyard. “Now you can make enough of your blue-ribbon goodies for every man, woman, and child in town,” he had told her. “In fact, there will be enough for them all to have seconds!” Man, what a suck-up.

  Amy offered some sort of activity for Tourists just about every hour of the day. She set up shuffleboard tournaments for the seniors, story time for the little kids, and led informational Earth nature walks for everyone in between. It was almost like she wanted her schedule to be so filled up every minute that there would be no chance she’d accidentally bump into me and have to actually, you know, talk about what had happened. Whatever.