Alien on a Rampage Read online

  “I must say that I’m not too happy with that creature at the moment, either.”

  “Oh? Why is that?”

  “A little while ago I left my door open while I went to use the restroom facilities. I was only gone for a minute or two when David’s pet ran in and did that.” Scratchull swung the door open wide and gestured toward the puddle of bed.

  “Oh my stars and comets!” Grandma laid her hand across her chest, and her mouth dropped open. Snarffle stared at Scratchull and whistle-growled. “Whatever happened in here?”

  “This…beast,” Scratchull said, gesturing toward Snarffle, “dashed in, ate my bed in its entirety, and then regurgitated it all over the floor when he found that it did not agree with his digestive system.”

  “Are you sure?” Grandma said.

  “Quite sure. I returned in time to see him finish the unpleasant deed. I was just about to come and find you when you knocked on the door.”

  Snarffle growled even louder now, the sound coming from deep within his throat.

  Grandma said, “I just…I don’t know what to say. I’m truly sorry. This is so unexpected.”

  “Not precisely. At least not when you take recent events into account.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, the creature has been eating furniture in David’s room. Were you not aware of this?”

  How did he know about that?

  Grandma’s brow got wrinkly and the corners of her mouth turned down. “No. I wasn’t.”

  I was going to tell her. Really. I just didn’t want her to be mad at me or Snarffle—it took me a couple of days to learn his food needs, that’s all. It wasn’t going to happen again or anything. And it’s not like I was really using the stupid coat stand or rocking chair anyway.

  “I don’t blame this creature,” Scratchull said. “He’s just an ignorant animal. But David seems like a bright young man. It would appear that he should know better, yes? That he should be taking his duties around here a little more seriously?”

  Grandma nodded absently, staring off into the middle distance. “I see your point, Scratchull. I’m sorry this happened in your room.”

  “Now, I assure you that I am not upset. Adolescents on all planets go through phases like this. But maybe having David clean up this mess would be the first step in teaching him a valuable lesson. It would be such a shame if you were forced to send him back to his home prematurely.” Snarffle glared at the white alien, and his growling became even more intense. “And it might be prudent to keep this little creature penned in, perhaps tied up, until he learns to be a little less rambunctious. Clearly David cannot be trusted if he is just going to run off and let the creature fend for itself.”

  “I will take care of this, Scratchull,” Grandma said. “You have my word. David is a wonderful boy, but I may need to talk to him. At the very least, I will have him clean up your room.”

  “Excellent. Together, I think we can mold him into a responsible young man.” Scratchull held the door open and indicated the hallway with a sweep of his hand. “I will accompany you. I would also be interested in David’s whereabouts while his pet got into all of this mischief.”

  That little cave opened up underneath Snarffle’s eyes, and his sniffing tendrils snaked out and tested the air. Then he looked right at the closet. His little tail started twirling like crazy and he strained even harder at the harness.

  Not good. I had to act.

  Scratchull was looking at Grandma, in the hall. I nudged open the closet door for half a second, gave Snarffle a quick headshake and put my finger over my lips.

  He instantly settled down, turned, and followed Grandma into the hall. Scratchull walked out and closed the door behind them.

  Phew. The relief was so strong, my bones felt as mushy as Mr. Greenie’s quivering body.

  I counted to ten after the sound of footsteps faded. Then I stood up, my stiff legs cramping in protest, and moved from the closet into the bedroom.

  I jammed the listening end of the baby monitor into my pocket, then carefully hid the monitor itself behind some paperback novels on a shelf. It wasn’t likely that Scratchull had much interest in what some human fiction writer had to say.

  Then I knelt down and pried up the loose floorboard. When I picked up the black device, I did so very carefully, making sure not to press any buttons accidentally. Then I slipped it into the pocket of my shorts.

  I felt a little bit better now that I had it on me. Earthlings might be as stupid as Scratchull said, but he was going to learn that we knew how to fight back.

  I found Amy in the backyard, setting up a croquet course. Probably another one of her Senior Night activities.

  I slipped into the woods for cover and skirted the lawn, slowly making my way toward her. I hid behind a tree and whistled to get her attention.

  “David?” Amy stood and wiped the grass from her knees. She started walking toward me. “Your grandma was looking for you a few—”

  I held up my hand as a stop sign and put a finger to my lips. Amy tilted her head, studying me, then looked up at the house.

  “Can you meet me up on the logging road?” I whispered. “Five minutes?”

  “I don’t know.” She glanced back at her equipment on the lawn, and then down at her shoes. “I kind of have some things to do right now.”

  “Please? It’s really important.”

  She lifted her head and crinkled her eyebrows. “Important how?”

  I took a deep breath and tried to make a Very Serious face. “Amy, the future of the planet is at stake.” Man, how do you say something like that and not sound like a delusional idiot? Even if it is the truth.

  But her eyes lit up. “Is it about the Collective? And their decision?”

  “Sort of. But look, it’s even bigger than that. Just come and talk, okay?”

  Amy chewed on her lip, and then nodded. She started walking toward me again.

  I shook my head fiercely until she stopped. “I’ll go through the woods. You go around the front of the house and head into the forest where the main road cuts out. I’ll meet you up there. If you run into anyone, you never saw me.”

  A few minutes later Amy walked up the logging road, and I stepped out from where I was kneeling behind a huge fern patch.

  “David! You startled me.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Why are you being so weird? What is so top secret?”

  I glanced back in the direction of the house, even though it was hidden by trees. “I really need to talk to you.”

  “Right. That’s why I’m here. Let’s talk.”

  “In private.”

  Amy laughed, looking all around. “More private than this?”

  I checked over my shoulder again. “I just want to get farther away first.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Come on, just tell me what this is all about.”

  I scanned the trees. “It’s about Scratchull,” I whispered.

  “Really?” She sighed. “You’re worried about him again?”

  “Shhh!” I waved her off. That creepy guy could be anywhere. “Look, just trust me, okay? I need a really private place to tell you this. No one else can find out.”

  Amy shrugged. “Fine. I’ll play along.” She slipped her arm through mine and pulled me off the logging road, deeper into the forest. “Besides, it’s a nice day for a hike, whether the planet is ending tomorrow or not.” She was kidding, but I felt a chill go down my spine. “I know the perfect spot.”

  We waded through fern patches and climbed over rotting logs. I was intensely aware of Scratchull’s device in my pocket. Amy led the way while my brain whirred on autopilot, my concerns multiplying with each step we took.

  Was it possible that the device had some kind of tracking system that would tell Scratchull where it was at any given moment? Or could he have a way to operate it from a distance by remote control? Worse still, was it possible that the thing would self-destruct and melt me into a David p
uddle if I didn’t handle it properly?

  “You okay?” Amy asked. She stopped and reached out to touch my shoulder.

  I nodded. She studied my face for a moment before continuing her march through the forest.

  But I was far from okay. Any of my concerns could be possible. And I’m sure there were some things I didn’t even know I had to worry about. Lots of things.

  Hiking along, watching Amy’s back, I tried to think of how I was going to tell her…and fully realized how disappointed she was going to be. She was counting on Scratchull to deliver Earth to some glorious new future.

  Wait—would she even believe me? The sudden realization that I might not be able to convince her knotted my stomach up even more.

  I traced the outline of the machine in my pocket. Scratchull had told his wobbly green lackey that it was on the lowest setting. Maybe I could give her a little demonstration? I would have to pick something that wasn’t connected to anything else—a river stone, maybe—and prop it up on a dead log. If I could melt something like that, maybe then Amy would believe me.

  I was still mulling over the idea when I heard the roar of the Nooksack River up ahead. Amy faced me. “We’re close now.” She grabbed my hand and hauled me toward the sound of the white water.

  After fighting our way through some thick tangles of undergrowth, we finally emerged near the riverbank. “There it is,” she called, pointing.

  We were standing at the edge of a little creek that split off from the Nooksack, separated from the main river by a long sandbar covered in tall grass. I followed the line of Amy’s pointing finger and saw it: a big dam, piled high with logs and rocks and mud. The jumbled wall stretched across the entire creek, causing a pool of water to form behind it.

  “Isn’t it awesome?” Amy said. “Some guys from the high school build one every summer. Makes for the perfect swimming hole.”

  We both just sort of stood and stared at it for a few moments. The spot was so beautiful, and it was so nice to be here alone with Amy, that I was able to forget for just a minute about why we had come out here in the first place.

  Amy pulled me toward the pool.

  “Is it safe?” I asked.

  “Sure. I’ve been swimming here since I was a kid.” Amy gave me a look. “Just don’t, you know, tell my dad or anything.”

  “Oh, so he doesn’t think it’s safe?”

  Amy rolled her eyes. “My dad has spent his life in law enforcement. Something is safe for his daughter only after the county council has approved it, three independent agencies have tested it, and the insurance premiums are all paid up. Relax, okay?”

  We picked our way over scattered bits of driftwood and a field of river stones to the edge of the swimming hole. The surface was surprisingly calm, especially compared to the turbulent white water of the main river roaring on the other side of the sandbar.

  Amy dipped her toe, stirring up a series of circles that expanded across the still water. “I have to jump in. It’s kind of a ritual when I come out here.”

  “Amy…look, before we go swimming or anything, we should really talk about—”

  “I know. But we’ve got all afternoon to talk. And it feels like it’s going to be one of the hottest days of the summer.”

  She had a point. But, still…

  “Come on, David. I love your grandma’s place, obviously. But we both work too hard. You know that, right?”

  “I guess, but I really need to—”

  And then she yanked her tank top over her head. She was wearing a pink bathing suit underneath. She pulled her denim shorts off and dropped them on a shelf of rock beside the water. More pink bathing suit underneath…but not a lot more.

  Okay, so I’m not saying I forgot all about the destruction of the planet and the end of human existence as we know it or anything…I just suddenly realized that maybe it could wait for the tiniest bit. An hour, tops. I mean it’s not like Scratchull was going to charge down here, rip the device out of my hands, and destroy the Earth right this second. Not so early in the day, anyway.

  Amy kicked off her shoes with a little too much force, and one of them sailed over her head and landed on top of the dam. “Whoops.” She looked up at the stranded shoe. “I’ll grab that later.” She turned and studied the pool for a moment. “It’s kind of cold at first, so you just have to plunge right in. Get it over with.” Amy reached up and untangled a piece of rope tied to an overhead branch. “This helps.”

  Then she climbed up onto a low-hanging branch, got a two-handed grip on the rope, and jumped off. She swung out over the pool, yelling out an excited “Whoooo!” She waited until the apex of her flight, just before the rope was about to swing her back to the tree, and let go. Her pink-bathing-suited body splashed down into the water.

  Circles rippled across the pool, their rims glinting with reflected sunshine. Amy stayed under for a minute and then popped up right in front me. She pulled herself out and twisted her body around in one smooth motion, so that she was sitting on the rock with her legs in the pool.

  “How’s the water?”

  “Refreshing.”

  “Does ‘refreshing’ mean totally cold?”

  “It’s glacial runoff, David. So, yeah. But it gets better, trust me.”

  She reached back and grabbed her hair with both hands, squeezing the water out in that way that girls do until it was beaded up all over her bare skin. Even though the wilderness around us was vast, it felt as if I suddenly had no idea where to direct my gaze. Everywhere I looked, there she was. How was that possible?

  She grabbed my calf with a wet hand and pulled me toward the pool, almost knocking me off balance. “Come on, Mr. Florida. You’ll get used to it.”

  “Whoa! Okay, okay, let go. I’ll get in.” I stepped away from the pool and stripped off my shirt and shoes. As Amy dove back underwater, I slipped Scratchull’s black device out of my shorts pocket, wrapped it up in my shirt, and carefully tucked it into one of my shoes.

  When I let go of the rope swing and my whole body was submerged in the pool, my heart stopped. It didn’t just feel freezing, it hurt. I scrambled to the edge of the pool, half dog-paddling and half trying to run across the surface of the water like a frantic cartoon character. I tucked my hands into my armpits, my whole body huddling into itself for life-conserving warmth. “R-r-refreshing, h-huh?”

  Amy burst out laughing, then clapped her hands over her mouth. “I’m sorry, David. That was very good for a first try. Especially for someone who’s used to swimming in the Gulf of Mexico.” She was treading water in the middle of the pool. “It feels warmer the second time you jump in. I promise. Your body gets used to it.”

  Some parts of my body would never get used to it, but I didn’t say that. To be honest, I really didn’t feel like jumping in there again. Ever. But she was out there, clearly enjoying herself, so I couldn’t wuss out.

  I jumped back in. And while it was still chilly, she was right—it wasn’t nearly as bad as that first time. As we swam around together it got better and better. Of course, that was probably just the early effects of full-body hypothermia, but still. At least I was finally getting the chance to hang out with Amy.

  We had a who-could-do-the-coolest-jump-off-the-rope-swing? contest, which I won by swinging over the pool upside down and then diving in headfirst. We had a who-could-stay-underwater-the-longest? contest, which Amy won by a mile. We stacked river stones into a funky little sculpture thing on the rock ledge lining the pool.

  But the best part was stretching across that sun-warmed shelf of rock after we were done swimming, just lying there and letting the rare Pacific Northwest sunshine dry us. It was way better than hanging out at the community pool back home, because we were the only two out here. Surrounded by nothing but blue sky and mile after mile of uninterrupted wilderness, it was easy to believe that we were the only two people who had ever been out here. And when you’re with someone like Amy, that’s a pretty cool feeling.

  “A day like toda
y is just so perfect,” Amy said, one finger tracing a circle in the still water of the swimming hole.

  “Mmmm-hmmmm.” I didn’t want it to end.

  “I’ve been thinking. I bet if he took a little time off from work and just spent an afternoon like this one with us, our problem would be solved. He’d see what a beautiful, peaceful planet this is and put in a good word for us, for sure.”

  “Huh?” Her words didn’t register at first. I certainly wasn’t in the mood to be thinking about anyone else. “Who are you talking about?”

  “Scratchull, of course. Part of my plan to convince him to rave about Earth to the Collective.” She sat up and swatted at my arm. “And you’re supposed to be helping me, remember?”

  Scratchull. I sat up and tried to gauge how long we’d been out here. Good lord, how could I have wasted so much time?

  “I really need to talk to you about that secret now.” After hopping down off the rock ledge, I carefully unraveled Scratchull’s black device from my bundle of clothes, then pulled the shirt over my head and shoulders.

  “All right, I’m listening.” Amy stretched. “But it was nice to just hang out and get a little break from our top secret summer jobs.”

  She would probably think I was just being paranoid about Scratchull again. I was going to have to convince her.

  “I have to show you something, too.”

  “Okay, you win.” Amy sighed. “Just let me put my clothes on first.” She pulled her shirt on. After she got one shoe on, she started tiptoeing around the edge of the pool toward the dam. “Just need to grab my other shoe.”

  “That looks kind of dangerous,” I said. “Want me to try it?”

  Amy glanced at me over her shoulder. “That’s sweet, David. Really. But I’m the one who’s been coming out here for years, remember? I know all the tricks.”

  She approached the dam slowly, jouncing a log with her foot to test how firmly it was fixed into the overall structure. When it didn’t give, she stepped up on it with both feet. She made her way along the dam, moving cautiously across the uneven surface of logs and rocks with her arms held straight out at her sides like a tightrope walker. She treated each step carefully, making sure the new foothold was stable before putting all of her weight on it. I probably should have been more worried about her, but instead I was too busy watching the muscles on her legs grow taut as she shifted her center of balance with each step. I could have watched that all day.